I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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