Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
