please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize