Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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