I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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