So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
