There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
