Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
