And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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