So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
