I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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