Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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