I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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