Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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