I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
only if we run a train.
done.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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