Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
