I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
COCAINE IS GR8
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