Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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