Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
