me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
