So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
