When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
