Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
