i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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