:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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