So drunk its hurt
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
