So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Boobs speak an international language.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
