I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
