He disabled his match.com account in front of me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
