Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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