She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
