So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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