life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
