why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
