Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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