Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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