I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize