I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
