When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
