Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
