I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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