matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize