I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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