Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
