Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
