Betty ford says i'm here all night
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
