Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
