wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You ruined the universe
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
