It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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