so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i jhust puked up my retainher.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
