my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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