That's intense
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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