Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
