Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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