I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
two words: eviction party
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize