yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
vagina is talking i cant
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
