shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
