It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
