sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
