Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
