i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
