i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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