Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
